| Ironically, he's sleeping right now. |
[May. 1st, 2008|03:25 pm] |
"You're depressed, Heather."
"No, Dad," I say with a sigh. "I am not."
"Maybe you should take something for it..."
"Dad. I am NOT depressed."
He just wasn't hearing me. As much as I respect his opinion, I certainly don't think a reitred mailman is qualified to make such a diagnosis. It is true that Dylan is still not sleeping well, has never slept well, not once in his 6-months. And I have a hard time getting back to sleep between his feedings. I get about 2-4 hours per night, if I'm lucky. Some nights I don't sleep at all. Am I frustrated? Yes. Sleep-deprived? OHMYGODYES. Exasperated? You betcha. But being upset about an upsetting situation and being depressed are two very, VERY different things. Just ask anyone who's been depressed.
Everyone has suggestions. They don't work. Everyone has a book to recommend. I've read them. Mostly, they repeat one mantra: Leave your child to cry so that he learns to soothe himself to sleep. I have tried leaving him for 5 mintutes or so on three different occasions; he simply screams until he throws up all over the place. Leaving a reflux baby to cry isn't fair. Could you sleep in a pool of your own vomit? Sober?
I don't know what to do. I feel cheated. Dylan is so adorable, so lovely, so clever...I want to be able to enjoy him. I want to be happy. I want to write blog posts about all of the cute little things he does, rather than whine online about sleep deprivation. I don't want to look back on this time in my life and remember only my own anger and frustration.
So my father suggested that I "take something" for my "depression." Shit like this is exactly why I never went to my postpartum OBGYN appointment; I knew they'd get all up in my business about my feelings, and I'd maybe break down and cry and they would be all prosac! and therapy! I don't need happy pills, nor do I need to talk about my feelings. I need for my son to sleep. Then I will be happy, Dad. I promise.
I'm sorry this entry is poorly written. It was much different in my head. You'd have laughed and cried by now. I'm so tired. |
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| Comments: |
From: (Anonymous)
2008-05-04 06:01 pm (UTC)
not really advice | (Link)
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OK. I swear this isn't more advice. I agree with you on the "just crying it out" method not working out well for everyone. Logan always slept with me so that neither of us had to completely regain consciousness for him to eat in the night. And Sure, it bit me in the ass when he was older and didn't want to sleep by himself. But at least it spread the pain out a little. . .
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/51319144/10755849) | From: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) uppahand
2008-05-05 06:22 am (UTC)
Re: not really advice | (Link)
|
Would you believe that co-sleeping doesn't even work?? This kid has his own new brand of insomnia.
He will sleep in my arms, if I'm sitting upright (I have tried easing onto my side in bed, cradling him in my arms, but he won't have it). But I learned that two hours of broken horizontal sleep is better than five hours of straight vertical sleep.
And btw, we don't mind advice. We're deperate for it, at this point! :)
Sleep deprivation made me fling myself into my brother's arms one night when he innocently came to visit and I remained there bawling hysterically for a half an hour straight. I would normally NEVER do this! He RAN out of the house and suggested to our sister that I "get some help" (of the mental and /or pharmaceutical variety) much like your Dad did. ha!
Hang in there. I hear by the time they go off to college, we actually get to sleep again.
PS: Yet another annoying suggestion for you: Have you tried letting him sleep in his baby car seat? My first child had reflux (and colic from HELL) and he slept in his seat until he was almost 9 months - the upright position helped the reflux. Oh, we also had to swing the damn thing and I now have one arm longer than the other but you do what you have to do to survive :)
http://thecoliechronicles.blogspot.com/ | |
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